Weddings are often seen as the happiest day in a couple’s life. However, for those who are neurodivergent, the process of planning a wedding can present unique challenges. The sensory overload, social expectations, and overwhelming decisions can be a lot to manage. But this doesn’t mean that neurodivergent couples can’t have a dream wedding—on the contrary, a more intimate, smaller wedding can be not only more manageable but also more meaningful.
In this post, we’ll explore why couples who identify as neurodivergent might find smaller weddings a better fit, along with practical tips to help plan a celebration that’s truly reflective of who you are.
Neurodivergence encompasses a wide range of cognitive differences, including autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and more. Each of these brings unique perspectives, strengths, and, at times, challenges. While traditional weddings are often steeped in long-standing social norms and rituals, these might not always align with the needs or preferences of neurodivergent individuals.
Large weddings, with their complex planning processes, crowded guest lists, and sensory-rich environments, can be overwhelming. The expectation to host hundreds of guests, navigate complicated social dynamics, and endure long days of heightened interaction can turn what should be a joyful experience into one of anxiety and stress.
The good news is that wedding trends are changing. More couples are embracing the idea of personalisation and smaller, intimate gatherings. For neurodivergent individuals, these trends offer an opportunity to redefine what a wedding can be, focusing on what truly matters to you as a couple.
1. Sensory Management
One of the biggest challenges in traditional weddings is sensory overload. Loud music, bright lights, unfamiliar smells, and crowded spaces can be overwhelming for those with heightened sensory sensitivities.
With a smaller wedding, you have greater control over the environment. You can choose a serene, natural setting—like the historic Dode Church in Kent, where the landscape provides a tranquil, peaceful backdrop. Outdoor ceremonies also allow for the freedom to move and the option to take a quiet moment away when needed.
You can keep the sensory elements gentle and calming by opting for soft lighting, lower music volumes, or even creating a sensory-friendly space where you or your guests can retreat to recharge.
2. Fewer Social Expectations
Traditional weddings come with a host of social expectations—extended family gatherings, long receptions, and often, endless small talk. For neurodivergent individuals, socialising with a large crowd of people, some of whom you may not know well, can be exhausting.
A smaller guest list allows you to surround yourself with people who truly know and understand you. These are the people you feel comfortable with, who understand your needs, and who will create a more supportive environment. Reducing the social pressure means you can enjoy the day more fully, focusing on genuine connections rather than fulfilling societal obligations.
3. Customisation and Flexibility
The beauty of a smaller wedding is that it gives you the freedom to design a day that reflects your personality and relationship. You can ditch the traditional format and plan a wedding that suits your neurodivergent needs, preferences, and interests.
For example, instead of the typical ceremony followed by a reception, you could arrange a quiet, intimate handfasting ceremony followed by a picnic with close friends and family. If the idea of speeches or formal dances fills you with dread, it’s perfectly okay to leave them out.
You can also control the pace of the day. If you find long events tiring, you can plan a shorter ceremony or offer quiet breaks throughout the day, ensuring that you and your guests have time to relax.
4. A Focus on Meaningful Moments
Large weddings often become about logistics—who is seated where, the timing of events, and keeping to a strict schedule. In contrast, smaller weddings allow you to focus on the moments that matter most.
When you have fewer guests, you can spend more quality time with each one. You can create meaningful experiences that feel more authentic, from personal vows to intimate toasts. Every moment can be tailored to reflect the depth of your connection, without the distractions of a larger, more impersonal event.
At places like Dode Church, the historic setting naturally brings a sense of significance and intimacy. The ancient stone walls have witnessed centuries of love and commitment, providing a meaningful backdrop that enhances the significance of the day without the need for excess.
1. Create a Sensory Map
Before your big day, create a sensory map of the space where you’ll be getting married. Visit the venue beforehand and note where you feel most comfortable, where the light is softest, or where you could take a quiet break. This will help you visualise your day and feel more in control.
2. Build Breaks into the Schedule
You don’t have to be “on” the whole day. Schedule intentional breaks for yourself, whether that’s a 15-minute pause between the ceremony and reception or a quiet moment before dinner. This will give you time to recharge.
3. Communicate with Your Guests
Being open with your guests about your needs can foster understanding and make the day smoother for everyone. Let them know that it’s okay to take breaks, step outside, or engage with the day in a way that feels comfortable. This can also set the tone for a more relaxed, neurodiversity-friendly event.
4. Consider Alternative Traditions
If certain wedding traditions feel uncomfortable, it’s completely okay to skip them. Consider alternative ceremonies like a handfasting, which can be shorter and more symbolic, or invite guests to participate in a creative, collaborative ceremony that reflects your unique bond.
5. Work with Vendors Who Understand Neurodiversity
When choosing your vendors—whether that’s a photographer, caterer, or florist—find those who are open to neurodivergent-friendly accommodations. At Dode Church, for instance, the team understands the importance of creating a relaxed, flexible atmosphere that supports all kinds of weddings, from the traditional to the deeply personal.
As a neurodivergent couple, your wedding doesn’t have to follow the traditional script. Smaller weddings offer an ideal balance of intimacy, control, and personalisation, allowing you to create an environment that celebrates your unique relationship in a way that feels comfortable and genuine.
Whether you envision a quiet ceremony in the stunning countryside or an alternative celebration that reflects your personal journey, embracing the idea of a smaller wedding could turn your day into something truly magical.
At The Lost Village of Dode, we believe that every couple deserves to feel safe, seen, and celebrated. Our historic venue and supportive team are here to help you create the wedding that reflects who you are—not just as a couple, but as individuals. Let us help you plan a wedding that’s a perfect fit for your neurodivergent needs and dreams.
After all, your wedding should be about one thing above all else: love—on your terms.
The Lost Village of Dode,
Great Buckland,
Luddesdown,
Kent,
DA13 0XF
The Lost Village of Dode,
Great Buckland,
Luddesdown,
Kent,
DA13 0XF
enquiries@dodevillage.com
01622 734 205
enquiries@dodevillage.com
01622 734 205